What It Means To Have Hope

I listened to an incredible podcast by Tim Keller yesterday that really got me thinking. The message was about a crushed spirit. It's too long to summarize but I suggest it to anyone who is struggling with what Keller calls "existential angst" or who is simply put, feeling crushed.
Here is some of what he says:

"We human beings are obsessed with the idea that our happiness is determined by our external circumstances. That our happiness is completely determined by whether our body is healthy or whether or body looks good. Whether we have money or whether people are treating us right...Happiness is determined by how you deal with your circumstances. From the inside.

If your life is all broken, everything is wrong, and your spirit is strong and powerful, you move out into the world in strength. But if everything about your life is going fine...but your spirit is crushed, you move out into the world in weakness."

Frankly, when you are truly "crushed in spirit" as I have been over the last year, happiness is a foreign concept. Sure, there are moments to smile or share a laugh, but true happiness, or better yet, joy, is hard to find. Yet, in the midst of so much sorrow, there is a hope. Sometimes I don't even want to admit it. It's scary to hope. It requires looking up from licking your wounds. Sometimes so small and scarce I forget it's even there. My hope (or yours) can't be in the reconciliation of a relationship, or healing from grief or loss, it can't be in my relationship with my husband or my daughter's future. All of things can be taken away so quickly. I think this is something most people know, but it's something that requires such daily effort for me to remember.

And the thing that I come back to again and again is that at the end of the day my hope is not in this adoption or the child we hope to bring home. I am hopeful, but that is not my hope.

I still long for my sister, the baby we lost, or the health I once had. But I am slowly realizing the longing is deeper than that. More intimate and secret. Something that's almost too difficult to articulate. It's the longing for a true home. Not in the "I have adoption issues sense" but a true eternal home. One without pain or suffering or sickness or death. It's an eternal longing that eclipses my crushed spirit. A longing that draws me closer to heaven and draws out that hope that seems so hidden sometimes.

So today I choose, despite the crushing weight of loss, to move out into the world in strength. And lucky for me, it's a strength that's not my own.

-Megan

The Blessings Continue

We are feeling so incredibly blessed by the support we have received. We have now raised $2080 toward our $5000 goal. What an incredibly humbling experience. We are beyond grateful and only hope we can find ways to give like we have been given to. Thank you.

The Waiting Place

For an impatient, control-oriented person like me, there is nothing more difficult than waiting. Perhaps there's something I can learn here but it's painful nonetheless. While I love when people ask how things are going with the adoption, I hate the answer, which most often is: "We're just waiting". Unlike other periods of time where I've been waiting for something, this is different. There is no end date and nothing we can do. It can be maddening and heartbreaking all at once.

I know there are people who have waited longer and some that haven't waited at all but no matter where you are in the process, it can be so disheartening to be in limbo.

It reminds me of The Waiting Place from Dr. Seuss' "Oh, the Places You'll Go".

"...The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting."

-Megan

Seth's First Post

I knew when I got married to Megan that adoption was going to be in our future.  We had talked about it from the very beginning of our courtship.  Even with all of that, being at this point seems a little unbelievable.  Going through a pregnancy and birth of a child was a whole new and exciting experience and it is the same way with the adoption process for me.  Both processes are very different from one another, yet along the way I am learning so much about family, my wife and our family vision. 


One year ago this Saturday marks the date of our miscarriage.  I know this is fairly common but that does not change the fact that it was a hardship for our family.  Many things have changed in the last year, yet here we are. Our home study done and we are ready.  While we wait I have taken time to reflect on all that has brought us to this point.  Eventually we will get a call (we hope) and there will be a baby for us. Again, change will come quickly.  So before we get that call, I have been taking stock of my family and gained a growing appreciation for our family.  Parenting a three year old has been a lot different than parenting a baby, life has gotten more hectic, time is passing by so quickly.  Megan and I have been through many life changing events over the past year.  On the eve of an adoption, we are doing our best to prepare for another life changing event.        

In a weird way I liken to where we are to an engagement, a very exciting, scary time, you are on the edge of something you have no idea what will come next but you are filled with hope and excitement.  Everyone seems to have their own opinions on how to proceed, yet there is no real clear path.  Every step seems huge and uncertain.  I guess this is where your faith comes in.  Every couple days Ella (our three year old) asks us to talk about the baby we will adopt.  She wants to buy it bottles and clothes, she wants to talk about what we did with her as a baby, so our family talks with our baby about the baby we want to adopt.  I have found most of my thoughts have been with the birth mom and the hard choice she has in front of her.  I pray for her.  We approach the next step in this adoption with a little fear, a lot of hope and a ton of excitement.  

Puzzle Fundraiser Update!

WOW! I have tears in my eyes as I write this. We have been so incredibly blessed during the first few days of our puzzle fundraiser. We raised $1520! I will try to post pictures as we get things moving to put the pieces together.
Thank you so much to everyone who has donated. We are eternally grateful and pray you are blessed for your generosity. We are feeling so incredibly blessed to have such amazing friends. Thank you for helping us get closer to bringing our baby home!

Putting the Pieces Together

We are inviting you to play a part in our adoption story! 

In an effort to raise the necessary funds for our domestic adoption, we are having a puzzle fundraiser.

Here's how it works:

We have a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle and each piece can be sponsored for a small amount (we are suggesting $5-$10 per piece). When a piece is sponsored, we will write the sponsor's name on the back of the puzzle piece. The puzzle isn't complete without you! We will track our progress toward our $5000 goal so you can see the puzzle as it comes together.

Once all of the pieces are sponsored, we will preserve the puzzle with glass on both sides and hang it in our new son/daughter's room. As our child grows, we will read with him/her the names of all the people who sponsored their puzzle. It will be a physical representation of the people who helped us bring our little one home and put the pieces of our family together. Thank you for helping us bring our little one home!

·  Click the "donate" button under the words "Sponsor a Puzzle Piece" on the right side of the page 

·  This will take you to a secure site where you can donate by credit card through PayPal (PayPal will deduct 3% of your donation)

· If you would rather donate directly to us via check or cash, please email us at sjemhoff (at)gmail.com.

All money donated will be used solely toward the purposes of adoption.