A Woven Thread

As this adoption process has taken its course, I have been surprised by the reactions we have gotten from people. The reactions have been all across the board. From outright joy, guarded optimism to negative reactions. One of the most encouraging thing about this process is how many people we have come in contact with because of the process. We have made new friends as we seek out parents who have walked this road. We have been reaching out to people we never would have otherwise in an effort to gain as much insight and firsthand knowledge we can. Our lives have been enriched through through the process alone.

In an effort to get some baby items that we do not have, Megan posted a listing on Freecycle (think Craigslist but free). We have given a lot of our unwanted items away via Freecycle. Well Megan asked if people had certain items and many strangers responded generously with many different items. One went as far to read this blog and email Megan. She told Megan how encouraged she was by the blog and how it touched her. This is a woman we would have never come in contact with. That is just one example, there are many more.

The other night Megan and I were listening to a Tim Keller message on Justice. He made an illustration about our lives being one thread of fabric-- woven, interlacing, touching hundreds of other threads. When woven properly all the threads create a strong fabric. Many of my friends and I email on many different "threads" about sports, life and many other topics. It has been amazing for Megan and I to see these threads of ours, the people we have woven our lives with, come to our aid. With financial help, with uplifting spirits and encouragement in so many ways. We might not see or talk to these friends as often as we would like but these threads have been woven tightly and that has been evident. Megan and I do not have our parents or many extended family members in our area. We rely on our friends to be our family.

Our lives and the fabric Megan and I are weaving will forever be altered by an adoption. Many things can stand in your way, scare you off, yet we have endured. We know we have friends close and family afar that will help and support us. That is an encouraging thought. We have met strangers and renewed our bonds with old friends through this process which has been an incredible blessing during a time that could be filled with anxiety or worry.

So we wait, patiently and expectantly.

-Seth

Seth on Waiting

At this juncture, there is not a lot for us to be doing.  We have no more paper work to fill out, no meetings with the agency coming up, no interviews, nothing.  We have nothing to do.  With nothing on the horizon, no process that needs our attention, my question has been "What do we do now?".  Well, we have been active for sure.  We have been learning to wait, not passively waiting, but making use of our time.  We have been taking steps to strengthen our walks, strengthen our marriage.  This time which easily could be wasted on worry and impatience is, I think, being used wisely.  That being said, as I wait I still want something to happen. I am still eager for a call from the agency.  Megan has been (and I will be) reading some good books on adoption and what not.  In one book the author suggests to truly prepare for adoption, you must take care of all of your "issues" first. I liked that idea. Not that we will have it all figured out; I wish that were the case. But it does put it into our minds to seek out what questions we have. To really dig deeper. We are seeking out parents who have adopted, reading articles and books.  We are discussions our own lives, our experiences and how they relate to what we are embarking on.  It has been an exciting time for me.

Late last week I decided to call the agency since it had been nearly a month since we last checked in.  While there was no news of a baby waiting for us, it was great just to get an update.  However, the strangest thing happened. The agency director told us that 2 weeks ago, a baby had been matched with a family. And just this week the birth mother called and decided she wanted to parent and the baby was returned to her. We are prepared for this since Maryland has a 30 day wait period. During this time, we know our baby will go to cradle care. However, after the call both Megan and I thought how hard that must be. To get "the call" and then two weeks later have the mother change her mind.  Suddenly, the light bulb went off for Megan and I. The timing of everything was too perfect. The agency had almost matched us with a birth mother due in mid-October but through a series of strange events, we declined the match.  While we do not know definitively that this would have been our match, the timing makes sense.  We did not get matched with this baby and in hindsight we may have been protected.  

Megan and I listened to a Tim Keller message last night about fear. One idea (and I am paraphrasing), is that we go through hardships for growth.  At times we go through small hardships to grow us and alert us or protect us from a larger hardship.  For whatever reason, the match with that baby did not come through. We were spared the heartbreak of having the match and then having the birth mother change her mind.  I believe that would be much harder than the waiting we're in now.

So we wait, yet we wait expectantly and with purpose.

-Seth

Seth's First Post

I knew when I got married to Megan that adoption was going to be in our future.  We had talked about it from the very beginning of our courtship.  Even with all of that, being at this point seems a little unbelievable.  Going through a pregnancy and birth of a child was a whole new and exciting experience and it is the same way with the adoption process for me.  Both processes are very different from one another, yet along the way I am learning so much about family, my wife and our family vision. 


One year ago this Saturday marks the date of our miscarriage.  I know this is fairly common but that does not change the fact that it was a hardship for our family.  Many things have changed in the last year, yet here we are. Our home study done and we are ready.  While we wait I have taken time to reflect on all that has brought us to this point.  Eventually we will get a call (we hope) and there will be a baby for us. Again, change will come quickly.  So before we get that call, I have been taking stock of my family and gained a growing appreciation for our family.  Parenting a three year old has been a lot different than parenting a baby, life has gotten more hectic, time is passing by so quickly.  Megan and I have been through many life changing events over the past year.  On the eve of an adoption, we are doing our best to prepare for another life changing event.        

In a weird way I liken to where we are to an engagement, a very exciting, scary time, you are on the edge of something you have no idea what will come next but you are filled with hope and excitement.  Everyone seems to have their own opinions on how to proceed, yet there is no real clear path.  Every step seems huge and uncertain.  I guess this is where your faith comes in.  Every couple days Ella (our three year old) asks us to talk about the baby we will adopt.  She wants to buy it bottles and clothes, she wants to talk about what we did with her as a baby, so our family talks with our baby about the baby we want to adopt.  I have found most of my thoughts have been with the birth mom and the hard choice she has in front of her.  I pray for her.  We approach the next step in this adoption with a little fear, a lot of hope and a ton of excitement.