Seth on Waiting

At this juncture, there is not a lot for us to be doing.  We have no more paper work to fill out, no meetings with the agency coming up, no interviews, nothing.  We have nothing to do.  With nothing on the horizon, no process that needs our attention, my question has been "What do we do now?".  Well, we have been active for sure.  We have been learning to wait, not passively waiting, but making use of our time.  We have been taking steps to strengthen our walks, strengthen our marriage.  This time which easily could be wasted on worry and impatience is, I think, being used wisely.  That being said, as I wait I still want something to happen. I am still eager for a call from the agency.  Megan has been (and I will be) reading some good books on adoption and what not.  In one book the author suggests to truly prepare for adoption, you must take care of all of your "issues" first. I liked that idea. Not that we will have it all figured out; I wish that were the case. But it does put it into our minds to seek out what questions we have. To really dig deeper. We are seeking out parents who have adopted, reading articles and books.  We are discussions our own lives, our experiences and how they relate to what we are embarking on.  It has been an exciting time for me.

Late last week I decided to call the agency since it had been nearly a month since we last checked in.  While there was no news of a baby waiting for us, it was great just to get an update.  However, the strangest thing happened. The agency director told us that 2 weeks ago, a baby had been matched with a family. And just this week the birth mother called and decided she wanted to parent and the baby was returned to her. We are prepared for this since Maryland has a 30 day wait period. During this time, we know our baby will go to cradle care. However, after the call both Megan and I thought how hard that must be. To get "the call" and then two weeks later have the mother change her mind.  Suddenly, the light bulb went off for Megan and I. The timing of everything was too perfect. The agency had almost matched us with a birth mother due in mid-October but through a series of strange events, we declined the match.  While we do not know definitively that this would have been our match, the timing makes sense.  We did not get matched with this baby and in hindsight we may have been protected.  

Megan and I listened to a Tim Keller message last night about fear. One idea (and I am paraphrasing), is that we go through hardships for growth.  At times we go through small hardships to grow us and alert us or protect us from a larger hardship.  For whatever reason, the match with that baby did not come through. We were spared the heartbreak of having the match and then having the birth mother change her mind.  I believe that would be much harder than the waiting we're in now.

So we wait, yet we wait expectantly and with purpose.

-Seth